I've heard it said many times that I shouldn't "let other me people rent space in my head." It's one of them pithy sayings that sounds immediately true and helpful, but ultimately ends up being wrong.

It's wrong because it's nearly impossible. The tasks and the worries that swirl around my brain usually center themselves on other people, usually when I'm imagining a phone call where that person says the thing I fear. We're nearly always working on something that ultimately hinges on what people think of it, so by working, we're imagining our audience's reaction. Some are able to keep audience out of mind while they create, but that's largely because they've managed to internalize their audience to the "certain unknown." Their people are still there.

Another thing wrong with the "rent space" quote is that it's exactly the opposite of what makes life meaningful. My life has meaning to the degree that I keep others in mind. It's about how actively I consider my loved ones as real in my life.

I understand the quote when applied to extremes, such as codependents who obsess about people's reactions, who put too much of their self worth into the evaluations of those around them. But even with codependents, the true solution is loving others, not divorcing everyone from mind.